Back again. This could be interesting, I'm trying to type here with Woody (cat) sprawled across my lap and left arm. Now I'm not the most efficient typist so I'm seriously handicapped here!!
Well I went for my Equine Touch course and it was fab, really enjoyed it. Blew my brain a bit and lots to remember but I feel I benefited hugely from it. Lets hope the boys agree!! I will always need guinea pigs too so may start groping friends for the practice. Butt shots is rumoured to be a fav....best test that one out eh!!
I took Beau with me on the course which was really nice. He had a mini spa break in complete luxury and I got to ride my boy there and back and to spend some quality time with him. I recommend it to anyone who loves their horse. Had to drag him away though, He always settles into Suzanne's very quickly! Back to reality now with a bump though!! xx
Thursday, 23 April 2009
Friday, 17 April 2009
Catching up
Another busy week has gone by. I sometimes feel that life is constantly on the fast forward button, dont get chance to breathe. The christening went well. The children behaved really well and everyone seemed to have a good time. Some more than others I must say. Is it really correct to be THAT wasted on a sunday afernoon!!
I cant believe my boy is a year old! Doesn't seem that long ago I was pulling my hair out and wondering what I'd done. For those who dont know, Stefan wasn't the easiest baby. He seemed to scream louder and longer than any other child I know and has quite a quick temper. I truely felt I was failing as a mother as I tried in vain to juggle life and keep everybody happy. But we got here. He's still short tempered and has the loudest shout but is happier now he can get about and harrass his big sister!
Ive got my 3 day Equine Touch course as of tommorrow. Been really looking forward to it. It's massage techniques for horses and it's local so the best bit is that I can take Beau and spend some time with him too. I'll let you know how I get on.
Katie's just been given a proper guitar, she is so excited. Looks like mummy's going to have to brush up and teach her as Paul doesn't have the time. He's working so much lately.
Oh well best get back to work. dull dull dull!! bfn
I cant believe my boy is a year old! Doesn't seem that long ago I was pulling my hair out and wondering what I'd done. For those who dont know, Stefan wasn't the easiest baby. He seemed to scream louder and longer than any other child I know and has quite a quick temper. I truely felt I was failing as a mother as I tried in vain to juggle life and keep everybody happy. But we got here. He's still short tempered and has the loudest shout but is happier now he can get about and harrass his big sister!
Ive got my 3 day Equine Touch course as of tommorrow. Been really looking forward to it. It's massage techniques for horses and it's local so the best bit is that I can take Beau and spend some time with him too. I'll let you know how I get on.
Katie's just been given a proper guitar, she is so excited. Looks like mummy's going to have to brush up and teach her as Paul doesn't have the time. He's working so much lately.
Oh well best get back to work. dull dull dull!! bfn
Friday, 10 April 2009
turn down the lights
turn down the bed
turn down these voices inside my head
lay down with me
tell me no lies
just hold me close
dont patronise me
dont patronise me
i cant make you love me if you dont
You cant make your heart feel something that it wont
here in the dark
in these fine hours
I will lay down my heart, I'll feel the power
But you wont no you wont
and I cant make you love me if you dont................
turn down the bed
turn down these voices inside my head
lay down with me
tell me no lies
just hold me close
dont patronise me
dont patronise me
i cant make you love me if you dont
You cant make your heart feel something that it wont
here in the dark
in these fine hours
I will lay down my heart, I'll feel the power
But you wont no you wont
and I cant make you love me if you dont................
working on it!
hey there, hope people are well? I never know if people dip into this and to be honest I'm not worried either way. I love to write and this is an ideal platform to exercise that pleasure and to get my feelings out there.
Well it's friday night. Paul is watching the Master's Golf on tv (yawn). I'm buggered if i'm going to join him when I can be chilling out here with the music on and lights turned low. I use the term watching very loosely though as I can hear the snoring from here. One day I may really question the older man choice!!
So what's been happening then you may ask. Well some things I'm not going to even disclose on here my darlings but life is following a strange path at the moment. I'd be lying if I said parts of it were dull as I recently had a fantastic night out with friends that to be honest made me wish I could turn back the clock and approach things differently. Now dont panic, I adore my children and feel lucky to be here with them but you know how it is, sometimes you just wish you'd been braver................
It's Stefan's birthday today. Wow 1 year gone already, how scary is that? We are doing the dutiful christening bit on Sunday and I think mum and I are hoping the church doesn't set alight when we cross the threshold!!! Dont get me wrong, everyone is allowed their own beliefs but it's not my bag. Bit of family PR going on here I think!
Families are strange though. I'm not a recluse but despite having lots of siblings ( 1 brother, 1 half brother and sister, 1 step brother and sister and Linda's 3 kids we dont keep in touch that much. Ricky has recently had some bad news re work and Andy is busy with his family and work and Julie, well she's in a dark place and I'm not sure what can save her. All I know is that I have 2 gorgeous nieces who I haven't seen in ages who are heading down the wrong path and I'm un able to save them.
Yes I know, lose the super hero hat Kelly but somethings never change I want to help the people I care about.
I've kinda spun out on a tangent tonight sorry. Lots of thoughts in my head and they are popping out willy nilly. Not entirely sure any of this is making an ounce of sense!! The one thing I really want to talk about is a bit too sensitive to discuss so I'll just have to sit on that one for a bit.
Well it's friday night. Paul is watching the Master's Golf on tv (yawn). I'm buggered if i'm going to join him when I can be chilling out here with the music on and lights turned low. I use the term watching very loosely though as I can hear the snoring from here. One day I may really question the older man choice!!
So what's been happening then you may ask. Well some things I'm not going to even disclose on here my darlings but life is following a strange path at the moment. I'd be lying if I said parts of it were dull as I recently had a fantastic night out with friends that to be honest made me wish I could turn back the clock and approach things differently. Now dont panic, I adore my children and feel lucky to be here with them but you know how it is, sometimes you just wish you'd been braver................
It's Stefan's birthday today. Wow 1 year gone already, how scary is that? We are doing the dutiful christening bit on Sunday and I think mum and I are hoping the church doesn't set alight when we cross the threshold!!! Dont get me wrong, everyone is allowed their own beliefs but it's not my bag. Bit of family PR going on here I think!
Families are strange though. I'm not a recluse but despite having lots of siblings ( 1 brother, 1 half brother and sister, 1 step brother and sister and Linda's 3 kids we dont keep in touch that much. Ricky has recently had some bad news re work and Andy is busy with his family and work and Julie, well she's in a dark place and I'm not sure what can save her. All I know is that I have 2 gorgeous nieces who I haven't seen in ages who are heading down the wrong path and I'm un able to save them.
Yes I know, lose the super hero hat Kelly but somethings never change I want to help the people I care about.
I've kinda spun out on a tangent tonight sorry. Lots of thoughts in my head and they are popping out willy nilly. Not entirely sure any of this is making an ounce of sense!! The one thing I really want to talk about is a bit too sensitive to discuss so I'll just have to sit on that one for a bit.
Sunday, 29 March 2009
Back again
Well I'm home alone so have a little more time to do the things I want to do hurrah!! Had yet another busy weekend. Catching up on jobs and Katie had ANOTHER birthday party today and one of those joyous soft play places which are all a bit grim round the edges!! Couldn't believe the state of the things Stefan was playing with. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger dont they say!!
They have both been really good though this weekend except for the odd forgivable moment. I do wish that Stefan would just deal with stuff without the very loud protesting!!
I have decided to make an extreme effort to set aside some more quality time with them. Lately life has been so stupid and busy that I am always doing chores and am feeling that they are being neglected on the interaction stuff. Yes sure they need to accept that there are some things that mum has to do in the course of the day but if i can just schedule in just 1 hr set aside just for them I think we will all benefit. Katie has been my super dooper baby sitter on more than one occasion, time to reward that.
One thing for certain is that I dont want them looking back and saying 'mummy was always to busy to play with us'.
Atleast the nice weather is coming. Lots of free things to do out in the countryside!
They have both been really good though this weekend except for the odd forgivable moment. I do wish that Stefan would just deal with stuff without the very loud protesting!!
I have decided to make an extreme effort to set aside some more quality time with them. Lately life has been so stupid and busy that I am always doing chores and am feeling that they are being neglected on the interaction stuff. Yes sure they need to accept that there are some things that mum has to do in the course of the day but if i can just schedule in just 1 hr set aside just for them I think we will all benefit. Katie has been my super dooper baby sitter on more than one occasion, time to reward that.
One thing for certain is that I dont want them looking back and saying 'mummy was always to busy to play with us'.
Atleast the nice weather is coming. Lots of free things to do out in the countryside!
Thursday, 26 March 2009
old friends
I recently found a dear old friend and spent the day with him and his beautiful boys. We lost touch about 10 years ago. He was involved in a 'relationship' i could not understand and I was starting my first 'proper' job as a trainee nurse (yes I know I'm still there!). Time drifted on and I found it increasingly harder to make the move and contact him in fear of rebuke. So I left it, resigned to the fact that I had lost someone I truly cared about on many levels all due to my stubbornness and inability to accept the path he was walking.
I don't think I can really explain the relationship I had with this person. Sometimes you just connect with somebody so deeply that it can almost scare the pants off you. That is the depth of how I felt. However we never moved the friendship into anything more than that despite a mutual appreciation of one another. His was the house I escaped to when I was struggling, it was my bolthole. His parents would welcome me like a prodigal daughter and he would give up his bed for the sofa for as long as it took for me to re-charge and face the world. I clearly remember my last stay there. It wasn't so comfortable because his life was changing and the peace I'd always found had gone. I remember taking the dog for a walk in the fields at the end of his road and realising that I'd over stayed my welcome. He found me sitting on the wall out the front ready to go and I hugged him goodbye, jumped on JD and didn't look back. In some ways I felt energised and able to control my life but hand on heart I missed this person so much and rarely had a day gone by that I didn't think about him. Curious about his life.
So there I was out drinking and reminising one night with Tasha when she thrusts the phone at my ear and I hear a familiar voice. I could not believe it! Never was I more pleased to hear from somebody. We exchanged numbers and began chatting on and off from that point.
I was so upset to hear that his dad passed away and very shocked to hear that he had split with his partner. He was at a very low point in his life so I finally plucked up the courage to drive down.
Why so reserved you may say. Well 10 years, 2 kids etc does alot to a person and I'm vain enough to want to look good when seeing an old friend. Thankfully it was like the years had never been. We fell back into our easy pattern of banter, working together to entertain the 4 kids who all behaved like lifelong friends.
We are definately not leaving it so long next time. He's inspired me to write again and to glean pleasure from the things that have been lost to me of late. He also instantly noted a degree of sadness and challenged me to find my self and be true. Something I have certainly been struggling with.
I'm not sure if its politically right for me to say this but I love this person. Something I'm sure Paul would struggle to understand if He was ever to read this. But love comes in many guises and i'm damn sure I'm not going to lose him again to keep the peace.
Is there a moral to this? I guess for me I have realised that true friendship and love stays with you wherever you are and however hidden in the shadows. When you need them they will re-appear.
I don't think I can really explain the relationship I had with this person. Sometimes you just connect with somebody so deeply that it can almost scare the pants off you. That is the depth of how I felt. However we never moved the friendship into anything more than that despite a mutual appreciation of one another. His was the house I escaped to when I was struggling, it was my bolthole. His parents would welcome me like a prodigal daughter and he would give up his bed for the sofa for as long as it took for me to re-charge and face the world. I clearly remember my last stay there. It wasn't so comfortable because his life was changing and the peace I'd always found had gone. I remember taking the dog for a walk in the fields at the end of his road and realising that I'd over stayed my welcome. He found me sitting on the wall out the front ready to go and I hugged him goodbye, jumped on JD and didn't look back. In some ways I felt energised and able to control my life but hand on heart I missed this person so much and rarely had a day gone by that I didn't think about him. Curious about his life.
So there I was out drinking and reminising one night with Tasha when she thrusts the phone at my ear and I hear a familiar voice. I could not believe it! Never was I more pleased to hear from somebody. We exchanged numbers and began chatting on and off from that point.
I was so upset to hear that his dad passed away and very shocked to hear that he had split with his partner. He was at a very low point in his life so I finally plucked up the courage to drive down.
Why so reserved you may say. Well 10 years, 2 kids etc does alot to a person and I'm vain enough to want to look good when seeing an old friend. Thankfully it was like the years had never been. We fell back into our easy pattern of banter, working together to entertain the 4 kids who all behaved like lifelong friends.
We are definately not leaving it so long next time. He's inspired me to write again and to glean pleasure from the things that have been lost to me of late. He also instantly noted a degree of sadness and challenged me to find my self and be true. Something I have certainly been struggling with.
I'm not sure if its politically right for me to say this but I love this person. Something I'm sure Paul would struggle to understand if He was ever to read this. But love comes in many guises and i'm damn sure I'm not going to lose him again to keep the peace.
Is there a moral to this? I guess for me I have realised that true friendship and love stays with you wherever you are and however hidden in the shadows. When you need them they will re-appear.
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