old friends

I recently found a dear old friend and spent the day with him and his beautiful boys. We lost touch about 10 years ago. He was involved in a 'relationship' i could not understand and I was starting my first 'proper' job as a trainee nurse (yes I know I'm still there!). Time drifted on and I found it increasingly harder to make the move and contact him in fear of rebuke. So I left it, resigned to the fact that I had lost someone I truly cared about on many levels all due to my stubbornness and inability to accept the path he was walking.

I don't think I can really explain the relationship I had with this person. Sometimes you just connect with somebody so deeply that it can almost scare the pants off you. That is the depth of how I felt. However we never moved the friendship into anything more than that despite a mutual appreciation of one another. His was the house I escaped to when I was struggling, it was my bolthole. His parents would welcome me like a prodigal daughter and he would give up his bed for the sofa for as long as it took for me to re-charge and face the world. I clearly remember my last stay there. It wasn't so comfortable because his life was changing and the peace I'd always found had gone. I remember taking the dog for a walk in the fields at the end of his road and realising that I'd over stayed my welcome. He found me sitting on the wall out the front ready to go and I hugged him goodbye, jumped on JD and didn't look back. In some ways I felt energised and able to control my life but hand on heart I missed this person so much and rarely had a day gone by that I didn't think about him. Curious about his life.

So there I was out drinking and reminising one night with Tasha when she thrusts the phone at my ear and I hear a familiar voice. I could not believe it! Never was I more pleased to hear from somebody. We exchanged numbers and began chatting on and off from that point.

I was so upset to hear that his dad passed away and very shocked to hear that he had split with his partner. He was at a very low point in his life so I finally plucked up the courage to drive down.

Why so reserved you may say. Well 10 years, 2 kids etc does alot to a person and I'm vain enough to want to look good when seeing an old friend. Thankfully it was like the years had never been. We fell back into our easy pattern of banter, working together to entertain the 4 kids who all behaved like lifelong friends.

We are definately not leaving it so long next time. He's inspired me to write again and to glean pleasure from the things that have been lost to me of late. He also instantly noted a degree of sadness and challenged me to find my self and be true. Something I have certainly been struggling with.

I'm not sure if its politically right for me to say this but I love this person. Something I'm sure Paul would struggle to understand if He was ever to read this. But love comes in many guises and i'm damn sure I'm not going to lose him again to keep the peace.

Is there a moral to this? I guess for me I have realised that true friendship and love stays with you wherever you are and however hidden in the shadows. When you need them they will re-appear.