Well I'm home alone so have a little more time to do the things I want to do hurrah!! Had yet another busy weekend. Catching up on jobs and Katie had ANOTHER birthday party today and one of those joyous soft play places which are all a bit grim round the edges!! Couldn't believe the state of the things Stefan was playing with. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger dont they say!!
They have both been really good though this weekend except for the odd forgivable moment. I do wish that Stefan would just deal with stuff without the very loud protesting!!
I have decided to make an extreme effort to set aside some more quality time with them. Lately life has been so stupid and busy that I am always doing chores and am feeling that they are being neglected on the interaction stuff. Yes sure they need to accept that there are some things that mum has to do in the course of the day but if i can just schedule in just 1 hr set aside just for them I think we will all benefit. Katie has been my super dooper baby sitter on more than one occasion, time to reward that.
One thing for certain is that I dont want them looking back and saying 'mummy was always to busy to play with us'.
Atleast the nice weather is coming. Lots of free things to do out in the countryside!
Sunday 29 March 2009
Thursday 26 March 2009
old friends
I recently found a dear old friend and spent the day with him and his beautiful boys. We lost touch about 10 years ago. He was involved in a 'relationship' i could not understand and I was starting my first 'proper' job as a trainee nurse (yes I know I'm still there!). Time drifted on and I found it increasingly harder to make the move and contact him in fear of rebuke. So I left it, resigned to the fact that I had lost someone I truly cared about on many levels all due to my stubbornness and inability to accept the path he was walking.
I don't think I can really explain the relationship I had with this person. Sometimes you just connect with somebody so deeply that it can almost scare the pants off you. That is the depth of how I felt. However we never moved the friendship into anything more than that despite a mutual appreciation of one another. His was the house I escaped to when I was struggling, it was my bolthole. His parents would welcome me like a prodigal daughter and he would give up his bed for the sofa for as long as it took for me to re-charge and face the world. I clearly remember my last stay there. It wasn't so comfortable because his life was changing and the peace I'd always found had gone. I remember taking the dog for a walk in the fields at the end of his road and realising that I'd over stayed my welcome. He found me sitting on the wall out the front ready to go and I hugged him goodbye, jumped on JD and didn't look back. In some ways I felt energised and able to control my life but hand on heart I missed this person so much and rarely had a day gone by that I didn't think about him. Curious about his life.
So there I was out drinking and reminising one night with Tasha when she thrusts the phone at my ear and I hear a familiar voice. I could not believe it! Never was I more pleased to hear from somebody. We exchanged numbers and began chatting on and off from that point.
I was so upset to hear that his dad passed away and very shocked to hear that he had split with his partner. He was at a very low point in his life so I finally plucked up the courage to drive down.
Why so reserved you may say. Well 10 years, 2 kids etc does alot to a person and I'm vain enough to want to look good when seeing an old friend. Thankfully it was like the years had never been. We fell back into our easy pattern of banter, working together to entertain the 4 kids who all behaved like lifelong friends.
We are definately not leaving it so long next time. He's inspired me to write again and to glean pleasure from the things that have been lost to me of late. He also instantly noted a degree of sadness and challenged me to find my self and be true. Something I have certainly been struggling with.
I'm not sure if its politically right for me to say this but I love this person. Something I'm sure Paul would struggle to understand if He was ever to read this. But love comes in many guises and i'm damn sure I'm not going to lose him again to keep the peace.
Is there a moral to this? I guess for me I have realised that true friendship and love stays with you wherever you are and however hidden in the shadows. When you need them they will re-appear.
I don't think I can really explain the relationship I had with this person. Sometimes you just connect with somebody so deeply that it can almost scare the pants off you. That is the depth of how I felt. However we never moved the friendship into anything more than that despite a mutual appreciation of one another. His was the house I escaped to when I was struggling, it was my bolthole. His parents would welcome me like a prodigal daughter and he would give up his bed for the sofa for as long as it took for me to re-charge and face the world. I clearly remember my last stay there. It wasn't so comfortable because his life was changing and the peace I'd always found had gone. I remember taking the dog for a walk in the fields at the end of his road and realising that I'd over stayed my welcome. He found me sitting on the wall out the front ready to go and I hugged him goodbye, jumped on JD and didn't look back. In some ways I felt energised and able to control my life but hand on heart I missed this person so much and rarely had a day gone by that I didn't think about him. Curious about his life.
So there I was out drinking and reminising one night with Tasha when she thrusts the phone at my ear and I hear a familiar voice. I could not believe it! Never was I more pleased to hear from somebody. We exchanged numbers and began chatting on and off from that point.
I was so upset to hear that his dad passed away and very shocked to hear that he had split with his partner. He was at a very low point in his life so I finally plucked up the courage to drive down.
Why so reserved you may say. Well 10 years, 2 kids etc does alot to a person and I'm vain enough to want to look good when seeing an old friend. Thankfully it was like the years had never been. We fell back into our easy pattern of banter, working together to entertain the 4 kids who all behaved like lifelong friends.
We are definately not leaving it so long next time. He's inspired me to write again and to glean pleasure from the things that have been lost to me of late. He also instantly noted a degree of sadness and challenged me to find my self and be true. Something I have certainly been struggling with.
I'm not sure if its politically right for me to say this but I love this person. Something I'm sure Paul would struggle to understand if He was ever to read this. But love comes in many guises and i'm damn sure I'm not going to lose him again to keep the peace.
Is there a moral to this? I guess for me I have realised that true friendship and love stays with you wherever you are and however hidden in the shadows. When you need them they will re-appear.
Friday 20 March 2009
hmmmmmm
well here I am again, not quite a regular but working on it! Not much has changed on the home front since my last post. Paul and I are currently pondering over the fact that the bank are pissed off with our overdrawn status yet have not helped matters ATALL by slapping nearly £350 worth of charges onto our account. Gee thanks, going to really improve things by doing that guys!! Had a real gut full of it I can tell you. Definately forgrtting what Paul look like these days and seeing more of my work colleagues than my kids which is a big no no.
Speaking of work, a really great person is leaving. I honestly dont know what the Practice will do with out her. I dont think they realise what they are losing. I love her honesty, her bluntness and her ability to stand up for herself and those who she decides have been wronged. It hasn't always made her popular but she doesn't let it faze her. I'm telling you, if you're at war, you want her on your side!!
I wish her all the very best and hope she knows I will miss her. She has so much to give and will do so well in the future.
Speaking of work, a really great person is leaving. I honestly dont know what the Practice will do with out her. I dont think they realise what they are losing. I love her honesty, her bluntness and her ability to stand up for herself and those who she decides have been wronged. It hasn't always made her popular but she doesn't let it faze her. I'm telling you, if you're at war, you want her on your side!!
I wish her all the very best and hope she knows I will miss her. She has so much to give and will do so well in the future.
Sunday 1 March 2009
Reality check
Wow, so much for keeping a regular diary, been quite crap already!! Life is manic at the moment. Our bank account is looking very sick so Paul and I are spending every minute working to keep our heads above the water. Needless to say that results in us spending no time together as a couple OR family and tempers are starting to fray. Starting to feel a little strung out to be honest and short tempered with everyone around me. Add to that a frustrated 11 month old child and bored 4 yr old and it's starting to get ugly!!
Does anyone else ever get the feeling that whatever they do it isn't ever gonna be enough? Maybe I'm expecting to much in return but I have no down time, there is always someone or some animal making demands and I wonder how much longer I can actually cope with the pressure!!
Foolishly I have been looking to re-train as an equine/canine physiotherapist ( it has always been my dream). I saw a medium recently and she indicated that this was a path I should follow. Full of enthusiasm I researched the subject only to find it would cost me £6000 and 15 hrs of private study! obviously I dont have that sort of cash (first hurdle!) but it was more the study time that had me faultering. I dont have that sort of free time and to make it happen I would need to sacrafice a great deal, as would everyone else in the family. So now I'm feeling decidely glum as I feel the moment has passed me by. Life wont get any less busy from now on in just different so I'll just tuck that dream back into bed, get my head down and keep on working..........................
Does anyone else ever get the feeling that whatever they do it isn't ever gonna be enough? Maybe I'm expecting to much in return but I have no down time, there is always someone or some animal making demands and I wonder how much longer I can actually cope with the pressure!!
Foolishly I have been looking to re-train as an equine/canine physiotherapist ( it has always been my dream). I saw a medium recently and she indicated that this was a path I should follow. Full of enthusiasm I researched the subject only to find it would cost me £6000 and 15 hrs of private study! obviously I dont have that sort of cash (first hurdle!) but it was more the study time that had me faultering. I dont have that sort of free time and to make it happen I would need to sacrafice a great deal, as would everyone else in the family. So now I'm feeling decidely glum as I feel the moment has passed me by. Life wont get any less busy from now on in just different so I'll just tuck that dream back into bed, get my head down and keep on working..........................
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